I don't really know whether there's anyone I can talk to now about this. 

But I'm so tired. I have to let this out. 

Today was a series of lectures, before coming back into hall hoping to rest. Dinner was exhausting, my eyes were burning from the lack of water. Came back and sat for awhile before going back out to door to door. It's no longer our world, time to pass it on. 

I don't know if I should feel appreciated or not. But taking away my responsibilities isn't a way to make me relax. It makes me feel like I did something wrong. Like I wasn't good enough to handle it. It's no longer the days where we'd sit at the tv lounge laughing about funny stories or those days we play pool in the room while having meetings. We don't belong like that anymore. 

Maybe we never did. All along you were nice because there was a skw right there. Maybe I was a little overboard in just leaving in the midst of all your socializing, then ignoring the thanks. Was it the cramps, or the fatigue. Or was it just me. Sick of being just another sub. 

Then. The friendship I tried to mend previously burst at the seams. That came out of nowhere. I just wished that if you were unhappy about something, you would have said it out long ago, instead of telling me I don't understand, why not explain why. I know that this could be a lost cause, so this time, I'm ready to let it be. 

Really really tired. Will sleep after the emails. Hopefully sleep is the best remedy. 

This holiday feels like it barely started. 

Slacked the entire first week of holidays away, and spent the second chasing people for the information we needed to put together for the proposal and emails. Third week was spent in Korea, then the week after meeting people and relaxing. Spent the last week packing and basically cooking and watching TV. 

Korea was fun! But currently my mind is more preoccupied with the beginning of school (again). 

In less than a day, I will be going back into hall, hopefully into a clean room. Another semester begins. More late nights rushing work and angsty days wishing I knew how to resolve some issues. 

Undecided on whether I'm more happy to meet some people again or more sian about the lack of time to really enjoy myself before school starts. Didn't manage to make an app, revise work, nor find an internship. Makes it seem like I had a very unproductive holiday. On the brighter side, caught up on sleep for one week. Before we went for supper hop on Fri night, and messed with my body clock again. Barely slept 3 hours or so in total, not counting the times I woke up and took time to return to my slumber. 

Anyway, really tired. Shall go to sleep despite the wet hair