2 months of work.
I've started to gain a bit of momentum. But there's a long way to go...
Meeting people that i haven't caught up with in a while.
Getting older in the process and realising I've wasted too much effort in the pursuit of things that were never mine.
Learning to drink bit by bit.
Hello vomiting and migraines.
And starting back on my love of photography. Getting equipment and finding opportunities.
As 26 approaches, here's to piecing it back together part by part.
These days been feeling a bit down. Not very sure why...
Maybe it's social pressures coupled with the stress at work.
It's time to wake up and fight for my own future instead of wondering what an alternative universe should be like.
Rather than think what could you be doing, what are you thinking of, i should think of myself.
Here's to healing step by step
It's been 4 days at my new place!
My friends say I'm a lot happier, energetic, less pessimistic.
I attribute it to a new environment without you. Even if memories keep flooding back each time i walk to and from work. Memories of our escapades and explorations.
It still hurts.
But it's ok. It will heal. Just slowly but surely.
For now, it's time to get healthy and well again.
Time to exercise, walk plenty, take plenty of photos, drink more water.
Think there will ever be a day i block you from my social media?
Excited and nervous about travelling for my work in future!
After that long post i did not forget. It has hurt for way longer than it should have.
I remember crying while walking from lavender to mbs on vday. I remember all those promises you made about deciding. But i lost in the end. My 150% wasn't enough.
It had to drag for months more and finally ended the weekend after i was released from hospital. 9 sep. Cannot forget.
The texting finally stopped after one tantrum in mid april. The pain never did.
Cannot decide whether the 4 holes in my abdomen hurts more or the fact that i still hear and see everything about you.
Just one more month to my step out to freedom
What happened to my previous drafttttt
Today I start to learn to let go.
It has been a great few months and an even greater week. But it's time to let it go now. Before it hurts any more in future...
Somehow from the start i knew that u would leave and i could no longer be reliant on u. I just wish i had gotten used to the idea earlier.
It's been an exciting week. And i only want to remember the best things from this friendship we had.
20 jan fri. While everyone else went drinking we sneaked off to eat steamed seafood. It took me 2 hours to housekeep but u waited. And waited. And pacified me for being angsty at the long zipping time. We walked around chinatown and u waited while i took a million shots at one bridge...
21 sat. Terrarium shopping day! We went around looking for materials and took a short walk outside waterway point. I bought ice cream and we strolled about laughing at how my ice cream rarely drips and yours never does. It rained while we were buying plants and we giggled as we ran back to the car.
23 Mon. I don't remember what we ate for dinner but I definitely remember sneaking to kallang wave for lunch and shopping. Afterwards it poured rain and we only remembered to protect the poor box with the terrariums inside. Terrariums please grow well.
24 tue. Sneaked out to raffles lunch. Walk walk and eat eat before going back...
26 thur. River hongbao opening ceremony after marche movenpick. The fireworks was nice and i enjoyed the feeling of having someone around to help with my tripod while i was busy taking photos.. looking at fat fish and weird light exhibits was the highlight of the night.
27 Fri. Went so pho after the half day and then to fly kites! This was my first kite flying and i loved the feeling of the errant kite soaring as we flipped them around.
31 Jan Mon. Macs big breakfast and seaview in the early morning! Fishes and moss were something new and i learnt while i looked. After that went scape and supply and demand in town shoppinggggg. Clementi and qian hu fish shops everywhere was full of fish and plants.. finally had the gyu kaku bbq which we had talked about for weeks.. after that did some carving and i received a bouquet. U told me that if anyone ever did less don't get cheated...
It's time to stop sinking. As much as it hurts now it'll be worse in future.
It's been awhile since i came. A lot has happened but not sure where to start..
In short, 2015 was a pretty big year. From cec as president to stepping in and out of liking someone. It was as eventful as it could go.
Probably should update starting from my previous post.
May 2015
After the final exam, we went out for the last time. Dinner and movie and the walk back to hall. During dinner and people watching at the rink, he was flirting and flirting with my friend. I must have been stupid to still go movie and supper and walk back with him. But i did.
The Monday after, i asked again. He told me we were friends and everything was just done as friends. Supper where he cycled into school just to eat. Walking me back after studying everyday. Spending his birthday with me. All the midnight movies and walking me back before he went home. Lending me his jacket while he was sick instead of wearing it. Everything. I must have been really stupid to think otherwise. But i told myself i will only allow myself to hurt up till i flew.
Grad trip was great. It felt like a mix of fear with excitement. My first trip out completely with our own plans. It was liberating and i learnt something from every emotion i felt. Can only be grateful that py was there and so understanding for all the things i couldn't do.
June 2015
Just started work a week after getting back. Was in training for slightly more than a month and so exhausted with all the lectures as well as the socialising. Being the zhai nv i was it took quite a while to make friends, and i stuck with cs most of the time.
That was a period of recovery. I met with every single person who asked me out in order to feel less lonely. The feeling sucked.
July 2015
I lost a bet. Needed to treat you to a meal. It was awkward. We were just friends of friends which was weird whichever way it went. Afterwards ensured i got a meal back from you and there it started. Out of stubbornness.
Work officially started. Convocation came. I teared during the speech when i remembered the friends we no longer were from a few years back. You turned around and caught that moment. The only one who asked me if i was okay. I wasn't.
August September 2015
Night festival. Walk to sg river. Spontaneous movie. Pool. Jap dinner. I must be crazy.
Work picked up from there and slowly made friends. Still mostly based on site instead of in the office but it was better.
Doubts came. But held on just because.
October November 2015
It stopped. For an entire month after i wished you till you wished me. Then stopped again. It took too long. I'm stuck again.
Work was piling up. I oted and oted enough to claim more than a hundred dollars of cab fare. It kept me busy and busy was good. At least i was channeling my energy somewhere.
December 2015
We met for lunch and got caught by my colleagues.
Then coney island and winter wonderland and sg heart map.
I'm really really tired now though. Like really.
It's jan 2016. It's time to live for myself.