i like how that blog post hit so close to home
then again, i remembered what i told vlau
yea, i do those things too, but you guys are right, danger zone = need to stop

sometimes, it's like you can sow and sow, but there won't be anything to reap
and no matter how hard you try, it may not bear fruit
but we don't do those things hoping for returns, we do it because we want to, right?
at least, that's the attitude i always thought we should keep with

so anw
went bishan just now
this big wave of nostalgia came when i realised her house was just opposite that market
the place eehui always talked about buying bubble tea from
the one we keep passing by on 410 when we were rushing for germ
i miss those days, so much
briskwalking across bishan park
then running for 410 or waiting damn long cos the timings were so irregular
going into class sweating like siao, and frau tan just smiling
then getting poked when i was nodding off (:

omg i'm starting to xiang3 dang1 nian2
getting old..

so then after i went to check prices i went j8
met hw and lau
talked alot but didn't really do much
lol
then i remembered after Os i went there with lau too
we were SO early that most shops weren't open

it's been so long

my 8 month plan:
learn to drive
get a job
do more crafts (and if it's enough [and presentable], sell them at those places i found)
-cross stitch
-friendship bands
-keychains
-beading
-sewing (i know, my sewing sucks)
-wire bending
-crochet?
-and probably any new thing that i get interested in
make sushi again (haven't done so since idk how long), and try to make it more than edible
tidy up my table (it's so cluttered it's scary)
take out clothes and soft toys still in good condition to donate
make rubber stamps again (the last time was in k2, lol)
re-study deutsch cos i forgot most of it
and learn teochew
and also basic stuff about excel
refresh photoshop stuff
so many more things i want to do, but i guess it all depends
it's going to be a packed 8 months

but, i just can't help thinking
what, exactly, wasn't good enough?
everything? a little demoralised

so i shall go finish the heart shaped pendant i've been working on since before prelims
haha

Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake...
somehow, i feel that the pain will get worse because exams are over.

just one more day
yesss

shall go study now and sleep earlier tonight

i close my eyes and you're right here with me
cos i know it's not so in reality

so i didnt manage to read all my notes
but i will continue to, as much as possible

damn tired
even when i supposedly got enough sleep
sian

i dont get it, why so overprotective?
i mean, i know they care, but isn't it like a little over the top?
considering how old i am, some things i feel i can handle
and i think loyalty is important

Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance -Henry Ward Beecher

and so, back to physics

and i haven't really been keeping to my running routine
...

okay, so i went shopping again
haha but i seriously didn't plan it this time

had tuition at 10
was supp to meet g an hour earlier and lw half an hr earlier
but, everyone was late hahaha
and i ended up boarding same train as g, we were both at door 8
just at 2 different ends of the train
lol
and we ended up meeting in dhoby ghaut
and meeting lw at the corner near orchard plaza

we were on time

the last tuition was okay
but abit slack

so then we headed off for 313
shopped for damn long but didn't manage to buy anything
and we saw l at f21! haha so cool
then to handburger for lunch
and continued after
quite hardcore hahaha

but i got a clutch and shoes
which were actually cheaper cos discount (so budget lol)
left with necklace!

including the ticket
i've spent a little over 200 so far
but quite sure it won't reach 300
cos the necklace will either be borrowed or sth not that ex

ohh and i bought nail polish too
i know, so unlike me haha
but i guess i'm easily convinced?

anw, thanks
for helping me pick out the stuff
for just being there
even going out of your way to stay

oh and a shoe dropped on my leg just now
moral of the story, don't get high heels on your foot
whether it'd dropping shoes or getting stepped on
damn pain, it left a mark somemore
because p=F/A which makes it worse than with a flat-soled shoe
see? i AM revising physics

tmr's target
read ALL the phy summary notes i've done
maybe try to lose some weight if i'm not that tired

i realised my nails still have glitter even after i used remover on them again and again
this seems to be a slight problem hmm

just need to stop attacking my nails for 2 weeks
then it'll more or less settle in and stop being painfully short

apparently parents don't approve of me or my sis piercing my ears
but they just used reverse psychology
that's one plan that's going on hold

'Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
i don't like rollercoasters
and it's midnight. good night world

so, 2 papers today only
on the bright side, i did finally get more sleep
though not exactly enough

shall find my 07 paper then go sleep soon

but today, i finally felt calm
maybe it's a happiness from not thinking too much
cos today, i didn't have any spare time

plus, as an added effect of keeping myself busy, my nails are finally starting to grow again
after years of attacking them when i was bored, when i was sad, even when i was tired

forgot to mention ytd, i need to buy clutches too
lol memory loss

i just hope it doesn't happen during phy

anw, i think dad was right
accountability is very important, especially if you teach, and he doesn't have it
like, why do we have to chase him to ensure we actually get a slot
especially when he gets paid so much
its like, we just found out that we have lesson tmr
with barely a lesson plan in place

i should stop going online till mon lol
everywhere i turn, i see happy celebrations that As are over
like, thanks alot

I walk with my head down trying to block you out cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

and again, it always comes out the same
"thank you... we regret..."
sometimes, why try when i can almost memorise it still
but what i didn't do this time was, i didn't reread it again and again to ensure it was real
it was more of accepting and resigning to fate
i guess i CAN get used to failure
but you don't understand, because i could bet you've never received one of these

didnt manage to talk about ytd in detail cos i was having this throbbing headache
still have headache now but its not as bad

so ytd we went far east damn early in the morning immediately after phy
most shops were closed then
walked till afternoon when i started to feel the headache coming on

then went hougang to buy dress(:
head was damn pain but still managed to choose
and i know it's going to be a little out of place, ohwells

then followed family to expo for food fair
and dinner was just a bowl of soup with a little rice cos i couldn't eat much
was having stomachache too

finally went to sleep at 1 plus
was really really tired but no choice cos hair wasn't dry
and blow-drying would have given me a even bigger headache

set alarm for 7.30
but was so tired i went back to sleep till 8.45
woke and jumped out of bed in shock cos i was SO LATE
packed, prepared and ran out of the house
bought bread from downstairs but couldn't eat on the mrt either so it didn't make that much of a difference

rushed to daiso to buy tablecloth (haha see some ideas DO work)
and then to buy breakfast, and i got a drink

saw unexpected ppl there haha
like, they were having a clique outing
so we went all the way to the last tram stop
but apparently they chose there too
uhh

so we played uno (haha yea serious)
and i kept losing
but i did win at some game called germs (didn't really hear clearly)

went for lunch at delifrance cos it was drizzling slightly
kept noticing the 2 guys staring at her
so i told them afterward, but she said it was just the contacts
intuition said otherwise but i've learnt not to just rely on it since it's starting to be wrong at times
so we continued and they left

went to take blue line back
and went vivo to shop
looked at dresses and jewellery

and suddenly this guy walked in and pointed to his camera and said sth in jap
i didn't catch anything except sentosa and siloso
then we finally knew what he was saying
and i laughed so hard
it was believable, but just a little random lol
but all the people outside cheered after that, zzz

[fell asleep halfway through this post. continued: 11.45am, 25nov]

so we walked on to look at dresses and shoes and accessories
which was quite interesting
then her mum came and we left for chinatown
went to look at masks then to look at shawls
then they came to chinatown too
which was funny, cos apparently my instructions were not clear enough over the phone
but i was pretty sure it was
until i found out there were so many exits called new bridge road
lol

went out to find them
then took really really long to decide
but we got a discount for masks cos we went together(:
thanks auntie!

damn cool, still left necklace and shoes only
masquerade, hardest to find is masks
but we've bought alr! yay
hmm ask me if u guys need help!

was so tired ytd
and the day before

so i learnt some things ytd
1. i suck at uno
2. my intuition can still be quite accurate
3. retail therapy does wonders, after the pain
4. i can't give directions on a phone
5. still decidophobic after all these years
and, i have lost faith in people cos of that incident, is everyone so superficial?

shall do at least 3 phy paper 1s today
yesss, last paper
then i can go be hermit hahaha, no need keep going sch
do everything i've wanted to but hadn't had a chance to

they say bad things happen for a reason
but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
sometimes, i think, it's probably for the best, but it still hurts
cos i still believe

ever just suddenly felt like stopping everything you're doing just because you thought of something?

maybe she was right, it really has been going on for too long

anyways, didn't pierce today
so it's tomorrow or after next week

and yes, it's pink
unexpected? i didn't even think i would be convinced
haha

Do you know that there’s
Still a chance for you
‘Cause there’s a spark
In you

phy p3 drained most of me
it was probably easy for a lot of people
just not me

shopped for the whole day today
very very tired
had a headache
but still went expo with family afterward for food fair
tomorrow will be another long day

can't believe how much more weight i need to lose by next week

quite excited actually for tmr(:
phy p1, heck la
haha at least for now

remember when we were young, and there was this chinese series of books we had to read in pri sch?
there was this story about a rice bowl, and how the kid managed to convince his parents to change their views
it may not be real, but it's a probable idea, given that the technique could be done in a slightly less hurtful way
just sayin'

no road is long with good company

so yea it was quite funny just now when i msged to ask whether i should pierce my ears and i got that reply
HAHA i was like laughing like siao there in hougang mall
cos it seemed like a overreaction to my qn
but thanks for making my day(:

actually, up till now i still haven't decided

chem p1 was okay
except, was i being too confident?
why do so many people say it's hard?

You don’t have to feel
Like a wasted space
You’re original
Cannot be replaced

If you only knew
What the future holds
After a hurricane
Comes a rainbow

Maybe a reason why
All the doors are closed
So you could open one
That leads you to
The perfect road

Like a lightning bolt
Your heart will glow
And when it’s time
You’ll know

i think, sleeping early is the best remedy for overthinking
if it's actually possible to fall asleep, that is
so i'm sleeping early again tonight
behind every tough girl is someone who made her that way
yet for some reason, i overspent today
and still ate A LOT of junk food
this is what happens when there are no more 30-45min walks home
no more bishan park just across the road
zzz

holiday mood came too early
argh

no matter how many people have given up on you, there will always be someone there, ready to offer the support you need
i know, cos everyone has those times

so pack, sleep
it may be naive to think that everything will be fine when you wake up for some stuff
but it will make you feel slightly better at least

2 more papers, haha the mood is like drifting away

got to curb replying one word smses
or those that don't actually need replies
over limit again this month

and, i do believe in miracles, because they do happen
life is planned in the most unexpected way

right now, i really really wish i could help
but i can't, cos i'm not qualified to
i can listen, but you're not telling me everything
i know, sometimes i can't even trust myself, so you can't trust me either
but at least, let me know that you're truly okay when you are
so i won't have to keep overthinking

recently its like nothing has been going right i guess
but it's all going to be over soon

but i was just thinking
disappointment
it only comes with hopes
the higher the hopes, the bigger the disappointment
this just tells of how we shouldn't hope too much
it reminded me of the letter i got a few years back
sometimes, if i'm not confident, maybe i shouldn't even try
especially when you know that everyone else is so much better

that aside, i'll try to sleep earlier tonight
just so i can attempt to get enough sleep
yet the fear doesn't subside
what happens after all this? what if?

Do you ever feel
Feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in
Do you ever feel
Already buried deep
Six feet under screams
But no one seems to hear a thing

how is it possible that suddenly people can just disappear from your life
yet act like nothing happened?
maybe i'm just overreacting
but isn't it strange?
there's a part of me that says let go, but another that says, 'give it another go, it may be well worth it'. which part do i listen to?

my body clock is completely screwed
sleepy in the middle of the day, awake at night
so i didn't manage to meet my target of 4 papers
why? cos i was nodding off in the afternoon

dinner was steamboat and barbecue(:
it was quite fun haha, mum was frying rice and vegetables
which sort of shocked the people next to us

can't believe i'm agreeing to this
haha next week? seriously?
As haven't even ended yet

shall go continue chem papers

ohh and this is quite true, koped it from zach:
'how do you know what is the next best alternative foregone?'
opportunity cost is such a difficult concept hahaha

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on

i think the ball is not in my court anymore
it's no longer up to me
the only thing i can do now is wait and hope for the best

haha i dont think vig is good at spotting questions
titration came out, bop and globalisation didnt for essay, nuclear didn't

anw woke up damn early this morning
even though i slept damn late last night
or at least, i went to sleep at 1, but didn't fall asleep till much later
waiting for the reply still

you know, sometimes i wish i wasn't able to sense that
it unnerves me
ignorance IS bliss

guess i've been quite insomniac these few days
can't sleep at night
waking up early in the morning then not being able to go back to sleep

so yea, just watched brother bear just now

there's no shelter from the storm inside of me

i think today for chem mcqs
last chance alr

i keep feeling like i'm disturbing you guys

thank you
for letting me be able to do the h1 econs paper with that bit of confidence
please, for once in my life let me do fine for econs
but for some reason, what i studied didn't come out
and i chose the market failure question which i didn't study for at all
maybe it was predestined
but the question asking methods stumped me, some i couldn't even understand
ohwells, it's over

why do i keep feeling like i screwed up even when it was okay?
bad intuition

Even when you see me frown, my heart won't let me down
Because I know there's better things to come, woah yeah
And when life gets tough and I feel I've had enough
I hold on to a distant star

I'm thinking about, all the things
I'd like to do in my life
I'm a dreamer, a distant dreamer

all i want you to know is, it hasn't changed
at least on this side
i haven't given up cos that was really one friendship that mattered
even if i wasn't a good friend, i tried
anytime you want to talk, i'll be here
please don't just keep it all in
at least tell me whats wrong so i don't have to keep guessing

i am so exhausted
at least the hardest exam (to me) is over
another step closer to freedom
need to work harder now

next week will be a long week...

i think As are changing everyone

do you know how much it hurts when i keep trying but it seems like the situation isn't improving?
and, when you make those decisions just like that?
maybe i'm glad i wasn't shortlisted
it may have hurt a lot that day, but i can imagine how much more it would have if i had gotten in given the way things are now
i can't see any hint of loss, only that of normal continuance
is it a front or real?
was i really that useless and insignificant?
and the burning feeling isn't over

phy p2 wasn't as bad as chem, but i felt that sinking feeling while doing

i can't focus
tmr, tmr i'll ask
after which, either give up or continue
whichever one, i'll accept it
if it's not worth it, please let me see it asap
damn scared

these things, what for?
the post-its
the keychain
finally getting the courage to sign up for TAP
approving of the t-shirt design
reno
the many smses even when it was over limit
going to study in sch even when its an hour away
night study as a cca
fb, twitter, blogging everyday
sometimes, even i don't know why

on a brighter note, i'm ready to go shopping for prom dress!
except, i wish i wasn't getting cold feet about going
so many "what if"s

econs tmr
like today, i'm not prepared

Love is more than a feeling; its a state of mind. -Lisa Grude

you know there are those times when you just want to give up?
when nothing you do seems to be working?
and then you ask yourself, what happened?
how did it all come to this?

byebye blog 2
at least, for now
and twitter and fb too

ever had this burning feeling inside?
it feels a lot like gastric, except this happens when you feel upset/ disappointed

i'm not prepared for phy or econs
but somehow, i don't feel like doing it now

my third star sticker fell off my gc again
another sign?
but i found it again

Nothing hurts more than realising he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him

and yea, so i'm petty and whatever
last year was like this, so was this year
what, everyone made a pact to do that?
last year was the reason why i took it all down
and this year it's going to happen again?
but what exactly happened, i guess no one else should know

okay i'm done emoing
every moment i spend thinking is probably another moment wasted
sometimes, people just don't care

chem p2 was, data analysis qns
like phy, except phy only has 1

so i slacked today away
again, no surprise

i seem to be getting used to this
this time, i felt better than the last
disappointment just feels easier each time
almost like, there's no need to overreact, it's just the way it is

do you realise every person just reminds you of another?
vlau was right, some things aren't generalisations

i believe in horoscopes today

the only way to reach dawn is by the path of night
you should know by now, i do listen, but you just don't realise it

is it even possible to have so many different feelings in a day?
in the past 22 hours
i've felt elated, experienced anticipation
then relief
anger
joy
fear
loneliness
then i thought, heck la, just do it
disappointment
sadness
happiness
in that order

i've helped someone today
i've cried
and the very same person whom i have been waiting for the entire day
reminded me of last year
and now i finally realise, some people just don't want to know
it's not that they don't know, it's more of a don't care

i keep seeing the messenger thing move
typing, then deleting
again and again
and nothing was sent
but i can't bring myself to say anything
cos im now speechless

and i promise myself now,
decide carefully, is it worth it?

no, i should not be sad today
cheer up and continue studying for chem

just 14 more days
hang on, please

i guess this means, at least, that for the next few days i should try my best to not be in school unless necessary
because in school, what am i supposed to do?
act like nothing's wrong?
or just play the stupid cold war game again?

focus focus focus
it'll all be over soon

well, i realised just how disillusioned the last blog post made me sound
haha
it's just this feeling i've been getting so just a small rant

anw, managed to finish 06 and 07 chem p2s
shall do the rest of 08 tonight (:
and finish studying chem spa

there's this, idk how to describe, fear? anticipation? just anxiousness?

shall sleep by 11.30 tonight
yup

tomorrow, do phy spa and maybe econs
ohh and finish phy tuition hw

A life lived with integrity - even if it lacks the trappings of fame and fortune is a shining star in whose light others may follow in the years to come

isn't it better to not know some stuff? curiosity killed the cat

i still feel confused.
please give me strength to actually make the right decisions
and give me intuition to decide correctly
really, how do we know sometimes what to do?

and yea, still got 6 papers left
sian

people, stop asking me when it is
if everyone (including those you don't know well) just decides to be nice to you only on one day of each year, it's not really a celebration is it?
but i didn't mean to offend anyone in the past few days who've been asking
thanks for the concern, but it's okay, just knowing that is enough

so yea, don't bother
study hard and thanks anyway
that's probably the most important thing now
especially halfway in this make-or-break period of time

oh, and sorry for lying

yup

so, i managed to read through spa notes
but the singing made it hard to do papers
and i didnt feel like going out

had a nice dinner at eastpoint
then walked around a little

argh, so many careless for the paper ytd

and after tonight, i shan't think about math anymore

shall also sleep after i finish reading all the spa notes
yupyup

i should stop wasting my life away
before i turn 18, i must have at least done two chem p2s

haha i think i lack sleep
but i just can't go back to sleep once i wake up in the morning
Loving someone that doesn't love you is like reaching for a star. You know you'll never reach it, but you just got to keep trying

slacked my whole afternoon away
slept then watched tv

math p2 was okay
but since everyone thinks it's easy, idk
they haven't uploaded the answers

chem spa tmr
must finish studying chem spa tmr
then finish at least 2 chem p2 on sun

then mon, study phy and econs
i hope

haha but abit sian to go sch to study on mon
then again, it's not like i have anything better to do that day too

tonight, i shall just sleep earlier or skim through chem notes
not really in the mood to study intensively now

and our papers end quite late comparatively
hmm

you talk about pain, but what exactly is pain?
i guess it's a different thing to different people

don't worry about the darkness, for that's when stars shine the brightest

what's with all the random dreams that i forget most of in the day, but seem to feel so familiar with when i wake up?
for years it was like an outlet
things i've been thinking of in the day, things i wished would happen but probably never would, things i fear
but still, some dreams seem so real they make me smile(:

why so many november babies? haha
keep seeing them on fb and stuff
actually, i don't want an expensive dinner, i don't want overpriced gifts, i just want a sincere greeting

how do you know where to draw the line?
i guess, more or less, i still want to ensure that you're doing okay
especially when you keep going toilet during the exams
just to know you're fine, no matter how much you make me feel peeved

okay math p1 wasn't that bad
but alot of careless!!
when the bell curve works, it can either work upwards or down
and there's no guessing which way

ohwells i guess i'll just have to wait and see

so many papers left
next week is the hardest i think

i lost the 3rd star sticker i pasted on my gc ytd-.-
then found it today on my math tys
yet, i've never lost the drink sticker which happens to always look like it'll come off any day
lol

work hard

so now we begin, working together to win
believing in trust, it must, be possible to overcome anything

but i guess sometimes, people just don't care about whether you're trying to reach them
maybe i overestimated myself too much
i'm trying not to anymore, but i guess, sometimes my annoying presumptuous self would just force its way out
sorry
i don't think i should try that already, it's time to learn to let go

gp was okay
not too easy, not too hard
at least a D i guess

anw, 5 days! hahaha
omg i'm going siao

headache
stupid la, the 06 paper was so hard
40%
i'm going to sleep by 11 tonight(:

all the best vlau
but if i were you, maybe i'd have chosen another option
i guess it's just our different priorities in life
plus, i don't have a famous idol who offers to help me let it go

what made me think this year would be that much different anyway

but for you guys, work hard
and realise your dreams

命运就算颠沛流离， 命运就算曲折离奇
命运就算恐吓着你， 做人没趣味
别流泪，心酸， 更不应舍弃
我愿能一生永远陪伴你

结伴行, 千山也定能踏过

basically what we should be doing now is pushing each other up,
we're so close, so close to the end

maths tmr
the higher the hopes, the harder to relax

shall read, then sleep

i shouldn't be assuming stuff
haha
but thanks
i always get so emotional at the wrong times

chem p3 was like wts
40m of stuff i didnt know how to deal with

and what's the best?
apparently the parking attendant story was more fascinating than what i was trying to say
see, why do i even bother?

after today, i'm scared
then again, maybe everyone else did okay, and chem wasn't that hard
it was just me

what do you see when life makes you take on a mountain,
you see that NOTHING'S GONNA GET IN YOUR WAY

just my luck to have that day during As
again, for years i haven't properly been able to enjoy
thanks a lot education
at least parents say they'll pay for driving lessons up till my first test as a present, which is (not much of, but) a consolation (nevertheless)

i hate my total lack of courage ytd
i wish i'd have just said it out instead

16 hours left
and i still have nitrogen compounds and carboxylic acids left to read
and my transition metals is still shaky

but for now, a short break

what happens when the people you've looked up to your whole life tell you they don't have expectations of you?
how do you know whether it's enough?
you work so hard because you don't know how much is enough for them, so you push and push
and now, just as a levels are about to start, you don't know how to face it
what if, your expectations don't match up to theirs?
it sounds so easy; "it doesn't matter"
all your life they've never told you what they wanted
yes, you can develop the way you want to, but what now?
wouldn't they be even more disappointed to find out that you actually don't want to aim too high? that you're doing all this because you don't know how high they want you to target for?
wouldn't you rather they had some sort of expectations, so that you wouldn't feel like they don't care sometimes?
what's the point of doing well if in the end their reaction is only that of a simple grunt/ nod? especially if that's what you get for failing too.
and now, what are you supposed to do this for?

plus, isn't it odd when your friends of years ago, used to be so close
seem so far away now?
yesterday's conversation got me thinking
what happened?

i feel like an idiot today
haiz

my aim by the end of this month, lose weight
till below 40kg

so yea, back to reading and memorising

oh, and marking 07 and 08 p3 answers for chem

HERE WE GO

Dream the impossible dream, Fight the unbeatable foe, Strive with your last once of courage To reach the unreachable star
i pray for u guys too

to all of you out there taking history and geog
good luck, all the best for tomorrow!

no matter how tired you are, remember it's all going to be worth it(:
jiayou
don't give up

today, i'm going to finish at least reading all of physical chem notes
if possible, start on organic

不管多么久始终等你，
不管多么苦不会洒泪
冷冷的风， 冷冷的秋

its a nice song

so yea, work hard people!
i just wished it encouraged me too
1 day plus left..

target: finish reading study guide for chem by mon
possible? i hope so
plus make notes for stuff i havent been able to grasp all this while
i'm just not getting the drive i need now

finished the last 3 qns of the chem 08 p3
but, left alot blank

demoralised now

unsure:
equilibria (buffers and pH)
bonding shapes
reaction kinetics graphs and catalysts
and i somehow forgot the names of isomerisms
cant remember all the conditions and reagents
equations for organic
THE WHOLE OF NITROGEN COMPOUNDS (argh)
ELECTROCHEMISTRY
transition metals (catalysis, colours, d-d* transition)
and i cant remember almost all of inorganic
cant draw free body diagrams for mechanics
dont understand thermal
work energy power unsure
and i thought waves was my best topic, till i did the tuition ws /:
electricity, all the unconventional cannot do
and cant remember modern phy
recurrence still unsure
transformations, always been weak
calculus applications
and stats, some still need practice
elasticities
international trade globalisation
and cant remember almost ALL of macro

2 days

and the optimistic side?
i haven't disturbed anyone for half a week
u guys can finally study more without my constant bothering

and for everyone who has been trying so hard all this time
go for it, it's yours to own

some problems, i guess, have to wait
but for some reason, i just can't study properly

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal -Pamela Vaull Starr
do i still actually believe that dreams come true?

finished chem p1 of 2005 and 2qns of p3 of 2008
and im tired of studying
cant focus
somebody please give me a slap

today i heard a story on the radio
this guy was beaten up by his friend, who later saved him
he wrote "i was humilated today by my friend" in the sand
then carved "i was saved by my friend" in a rock
basically, it's just a story of how we should forgive our friends who do us wrong, and let the wind do its job of erasing it from our memories
and how we should remember all the good things our friends do for us, and keep it at the deepest part of our hearts, where the wind will never be able to reach

then again, i wish life was as easy as that
if there are some things you just can't forgive others for, does that mean they're not your friends, or that they have such an important place in your heart that you just can't forgive them for doing it?
some things, i can't seem to forget
and as the years go by, i just realise that forgiveness isn't as easy as it seems

haha btw,
u know, i still do read blog posts the way i used to, but i just didn't understand everything there
blame my lack of willpower and ability to continue in jc
but i will study it again after As, on my own this time
the half that i understood, tells me that you should go for it
jiayou

3 days

and to all those people out there who've worked so hard and been so consistent
good luck, and all the best

and this smile hides all the pain
well, almost
he who believes in the freedom of will has never loved nor hated ~Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
In der Liebe und im Krieg ist alles erlaubt. Deshalb werde ich verdrängt. )':

so, only managed to do phy today
argh didnt even have tuition cos we couldnt finish the ws

can't sleep early tonight, will finish the phy mcqs first at least

anw, there seems to be sth wrong with my twitter account, hmm
did i accidentally click sth wrong..

this week just flew by
with only 4 days left, i should be scared, i should
but theres this uneasy calm
not because i'm anywhere near prepared, but cos i'm almost resigned to whatever is coming

like shadows in the faded light

technically, if my hair was dry, it'd be goodnight world in 15 min
but it isn't, ohwells

of all the times to kena...

come to think of it, no phy tonight
not feeling up to it

no man is an island
everyone needs others to help

i am sleepy
on the up side, i managed to do 07 math p2 in 2.5 hrs
on the down side, i still have alot to finish for this week
which happens to be ending soon

There's always a little truth behind every "just kidding".
A little knowledge behind every "I don't know"
A little emotion behind every "I don't care"
And a little pain behind every "I'm okay

shall pack, do abit of phy
then sleep
by 11.15 tonight

Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them. - Hugh Miller

i dont feel any motivation now

plus, willpower fail

anw, just now when we were on our way home, there was this quick mix of feelings
i feel like a hypocrite now

that question remained with me for the entire day
and suddenly this video i once watched came to mind
it was about a conversation on messenger
they typed, then deleted, then typed, then deleted again
such that the message was so different from the original
-refer to 21sep- (though its prob better to watch on youtube)

i guess that would be one regret that is such a pity

so anyway was very unproductive
only went for econs
and did rj p2
and a few qns for mechanics

this week i have a lot of stuff to do

chem consultation tmr, find qns
the whole thick stack of waves qns
nyjc and ajc gp compres
math 2007 paper, and check ans
the newest econs case study

and then there are those i need to do, but are not wanted by others

wth happened why is my connection so screwed up

anw i didnt end up sleeping till 12 plus ytd
haha fail

hello people, i would suggest u guys not talk to me unless u really want/ need to,
this is a warning, i go mad for no reason nowadays

shall sleep by 11 today
headache

i am so mentally exhausted from all the games

who do you turn to when the only person who can stop you from crying is the one who is making you cry?

ever felt so inferior that being invisible felt like a better option?

i was just thinking
maybe i should stop studying in school
just cos i start getting distracted there too

must credit mr tym for this, though i translated it from his chinese:
if the sun doesn't rise tomorrow, what regrets will i have?
what regrets will you have?
will you delude yourself into thinking that you'll have no regrets? just to make yourself feel better?

i guess my answer will be, that i will tell what i've been hiding for so long
i will thank everyone who has actually cared
and i will say sorry to every person i've made mistakes to knowingly before
because i have done wrong stuff/ lied a lot

and the feeling sucks when u know its wrong but u just cant bring yourself to admit it cos of a stupid thing called pride
even if other people don't realise it.

anyway, thanks for helping, really
some things, very hard to understand

have you ever felt so helpless and useless when you can't do anything to salvage situations
nor the feeling that you're so confused you can't figure out what to do next
maybe sometimes, even this sense of loss? like, gone...

shall sleep by 11
so that i can take econs without nodding off like the last 2 tests
its not that i WANT to sleep, it just happens without warning

it's hard to pretend you love someone when you don't, but even harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do

sometimes all you want is someone to support the decisions made
but you're right, i shouldn't be troubling anyone else with these problems
not now

so for the next few days (weeks if i can actually stand it)
i'm not going to distract people by talking to them first
in case i end up disturbing anyone.
regardless of how free i may be most of the time
-don't drag others into it even if i'm already unmotivated- that's the least i could do i guess

7 days