sick.
medicine, then sleep.
hope i feel better tmr.

wanted to blog last night but didn't manage to. i got shortlisted for an interview! glad i made the call back even when i didn't know the number... their team left ytd, and treated us to bubble tea and cakes. so nice of them. thanks for calling again, it's nice to know that just because you have a gf and family to call, you haven't forgotten your friends. anw, something very lame happened last night, idk when i dropped my right ear stud, but i did. then couldn't get a new one in, and i realised there was this hard stick-like structure inside. damn scared cos i was afraid it broke, and got stuck inside, so spent an hour and a half trying to push it out. when we finally gave up, mum just pushed another one in, and was thinking, it's prob stuck there forever. then, she asked if i wanted to change the left side too. and i realised, after i took it out, there was a stick-like thing there too. dried skin, i guess? -.- so until now, i have no idea whether it's dried skin or ear stick stuck in my right ear, lol. i think i need some advice... sian, why nus haven't get my docs? waited so long alr. faxed over another copy just now in case. so anyway, shall go work i think i caught a cold too.

had a stomachache the entire day.
feel weak, and tired.

shall sleep soon.

anyway, thanks for calling(: sorry i didn't pick up...
this proves that some real friends do last, not only those who use then dump you as a friend.

good night
hope i feel better tomorrow

today, as usual, i clicked the 'new post' button on the other blog at the dashboard first.
then i realised, i'm going to do one post today, and that's it.

we waited till after work, then went to the italian restaurant.
the food was quite nice, and they ordered wine, which i didn't really drink much of.

then went to eat durians nearby.

very fun, was talking and laughing with them, and managed to have some jokes too.

got another ride home(: and the usual thank you sms.

good night josh, and all you other guys!

well, my applications are in.
submitted all, paid by ytd.
only need send my stuff to nus tmr.

and i've proved that i can don't blog for the entire week.
so today, this, is my last post for awhile there.
will continue in this one, but no double blogging for quite some time.

basically, went down to send my supporting docs to smu ytd, then went shopping in bugis.
then to orchard for dinner.
went for the earth hour thing at wisma, but it was a waste cos so many people using flash cameras.
earth hour to see the stars, means lights spoil the view.

today had brunch at a new place, ate dimsum.
went home to slack awhile, then went out to rivervale for dinner.
nice food, haha.
ohh went daiso also.

anyway, i guess this marks (quite) an important day.
today, my last day lamenting on that issue.
shall enjoy the dinner adecco we're having tomorrow!
and start with a fresh page.

so byebye to that blog, for now.
the times we shared, will remain buried as beautiful memories to keep(:
i, for once, feel strong enough.
i wish you happiness.

Teardrops on my guitar
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without

Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight

'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do
He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into

Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see

been putting it off for way too long. tmr, i make my choice in courses, and also about letting go. still can't decide whether to stay though. but you're not here to talk to, and i don't know what to do. i want so badly to leave, but it makes me feel useless, for giving up halfway. i want to not go mum's office, but experience the world out there. i don't know, it's ultimatum right now. it's late, and i need to sleep. how it all happened is still etched at the back of my mind, but it's okay, only the happy memories shall remain, and none of the thoughts that go over the line.

if you did something on your own accord, then your boss also did it, it would seem as though you didn't have initiative, but is that really the case?
 
if you no longer mean anything to an organisation, and are easily replaceable, would you leave once you had another offer?
 
what would YOU do?
 
is 'trapped' a good word to use now?

way to go.
i've officially been stripped of my post.
but still doing the work.
wth?
 
is this a very good time to think about going to mum's office?
 
unappreciated much?

2 more days

damn, it seems like something i can't rush.

but for now, sleep, and pray for wisdom.

i think i want to change my ear studs again, haha.

tmr, call and ask about the options thing, and the fees.

braced myself for the goodbye, cause that's all I've ever known.

i make my choice in less than 3 days.
and after that, i decide to let go of some stuff.
may, or may not include that blog since i don't want to double blog already, so yea. but this one will confirm still be open. can always ask if there's anyone who still wants to read on.

still, i haven't really chosen yet.

i really miss talking to you, but this time, i rely on myself.

right now, staring at the bottle of stars on my table, i finally feel the need to open one more.
"there's always one great voice deep inside of us"
mine is telling me, don't avoid the problems anymore.
face them, get them over and done with, and no longer should i be bothered.

i really like this laptop after using for an entire week.

haha but my 7th year obsession with stars continues, with the increasing amounts of accessories.
for me, hope will remain.

which brings me to this point, i saw almost the entire rainbow today!
a form of reassurance that i'm doing the right thing, and situations will improve.
just as a rainbow comes after rain, so does hope after despair.

quite pretty(:
but the photo can't capture how i felt looking at it out the window...

haha anw the people recognised us from last year, lol.
maybe cos not many people order food like us? idk.

Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything,
and everybody believed in you?

It's alright, just wait and see.
Your string of lights are still bright to me.

Shontelle - Impossible - Deutsche Übersetzung/ German translation

(: i like this song

rubbish leh, all the saikang.
 
consider mum's office?

maybe work has really finally gotten to me.
i feel like, slowly, they just ask me to do stuff without realising sometimes, i'm a human too.
idk, maybe i'm overreacting.
can't believe what i did this morn just before i went out to buy snacks, abit malu.

it's thurs again.
went to meet family at j8 to eat dinner cos parents' anniversary.
haha they registered and had the banquet on different days so we'll celebrate twice.
paid for their presents, which were engraved..
will collect on sat i think?

i read gmh every day thinking about fairytales and happy endings.
a part of me wants to believe it all, but another part tells me real life doesn't always end up with happily ever after.
so to allow the nail to stop going in further, i'm pulling it out for good this time.
and i will not let you push it back in again.

we can do this, together.

ready, let's go for it.

but seriously, i think that was the nicest thing that happened to me today, so thank you.
in the midst of people taking you for granted, for being angry because of careless mistakes, of the feeling of being replaced, and of exhaustion, it's a comfort knowing someone out there actually cares.

i would blame hormones for the emotional rollercoaster, but i can't, cos everyone faces such problems.
so yea, i'll control it better, i will.

good night, will write out the uni application tmr on the paper before i actually go online to submit.
no idea what to choose, but the basic details can fill in first.

maybe my colleague was right, confidence will bring you places in life...

Now I'm standing alone in this crowded room
And we're not speaking.
And I'm dying to know, is it killing you,
like it's killing me?

damn tired.
sales reports are taking too much of my time.
i've neglected my main duties, too much.
sent incomplete timesheets, didn't chase for timesheets before the cut off, no time to file and upload, didn't name the files i scanned, and worst, i keep pissing other people off.

really thought about switching jobs, especially cos i didn't know how much longer i could take double tasking.

but i also think giving up is one of the worst things to do now just cos i can't cope.
if i do, what about in future?

COURSES, COURSES, SO MANY...

anyway, shall freshen up, and complete the stack i brought home to do.
and try to sleep by 11.30 latest.
OT with no extra pay, haha.

how long i can tank really depends now. how?

this has got to be a great way to start the day
woke up halfway to a dream about you
then rushed to work.
was early, but still later than them.
scanned another few hundred pages of sales report, prepared the invoices and scanned them too.
wrote on around 10 envelopes after scanning them, weighed, put stamps on and sealed.
basically, scanning and invoices took up my entire day.

tomorrow, must finish payroll instructions amd scanning.
call people to ask if they want the job, and chase the rest for timesheets.

still thinking about closing this blog down.
it seems pretty pointless to double blog when no one reads all this now.

damn tired , how to choose courses?

and somehow, i feel like my value has diminished.
do they even need me anymore? should i go and help mum instead?

i need sleep, now

i would have posted something really long, but i'm tired.

okay, so went smu last sun, ntu ytd and nus just now.
still haven't decided on the course.

tmr will be a long long day.
hang in there please.

not pretty, not smart, not confident.
that's what it seems like.

anyway, i promise myself, no more moping.
after i submit my application, it's the path to another phase of my life.

i don't want to admit this, but she was right.
there is something lacking.

ohh anw i saw someone familiar at HN at hougang,
and i was right, it was him. haha.
can i be ego and say kudos to me for remembering even though there are 100+ of them?

had great exercise today.
rushed to bank in the cheques, then scanned stuff.
had to remove staples, carry the stacks around, and arrange.
eyes hurt, arms sore, legs tired.

referring to yesterday's post, what happens when giving someone else a second chance means depriving yourself of one?
can we still, in such a magnanimous way, do it?

sometimes we'd rather take the easy way out, instead of disadvantaging ourselves in any way.
sometimes we give the chance, only to regret afterward.
how many times have we done it without any form of complaint?

then i realise, i can't help thinking of all the what ifs, but does it matter anymore?
maybe all along, even if i had chosen the other way out, it would have gotten back to the same point we're at now.

seriously, the last time, changing the phone brand symbolised something, but now, what else can we do?

tired, over a thousand pieces scanned, and more coming tmr
night

i was so sleepy just now haha.
but although today was slack(er), i didn't stop doing anything.
worked throughout the day, just did simpler stuff.

it's nice talking to you about uni, about the future, when everything's so uncertain.
you make me feel slightly better about it all, and i like how i relax about this.

but still, i wish i was talking to someone else about it too, though prob not possible now...

woke up earlier to meet sher at the mrt to pass her the book.
the office was quite empty today too.

i saw this in mum's office (it's called serenity prayer):
God give me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

so true, so helpful at a time like this.

and i also saw this just now;
give people a second chance, including yourself.

it's time to forgive and move on, get a second chance.
i just wished it could have been easier, and earlier, before we became so distant..

anyway, shall sleep now, extension tmr.
night.

have been too tired to blog the past few days. so here i am now...

went to work, then to vivo for dinner.
i NEED to find better ways to vent.
bought another 6 pairs.
but in my defense, it was just 2 sets.

then went smu open house ytd.
was fun, and i really like their campus and teaching style.
but a very big problem would be the cost.

so i woke up early for work again today
damn tired now

good night

you were strong and i was not.
my illusion, my mistake.

i don't believe in fairy tales anymore...

today marks the end of one chapter, and the beginning of another.

i know there are many of you who did very well,
but please, also spare a thought for those who didn't do that well.

i think i'm grateful for my results, at least.
but i think i could have done better if the burnout didn't happen.
even though not entirely satisfied, almost ready to open up my options now.

so anyway only ate 2 biscuits in the morning, which lasted all the way till lunch.
lunch was fish soup, which reminded me of the mugging period.
waking up early in the morning, eating fish soup for breakfast before heading to the library.
mugging till 5 or so, heading home.

i specifically rmb the morning of the lit paper, when i lent my jacket to a girl
spent the whole morning studying outside...

oh well, it's too late for regrets now
all i can say is, i pray it'll be released in a gentler way
that i won't embarrass myself like i did two years ago

shall sleep early tonight, by 11
still need to rush out stuff at work tmr so they can start the calculations

sian, when there's nothing much to do, i feel useless.
when there is, i get overloaded.

good luck to all you people reading this(:

scary...

going to sleep

sometimes, i wonder if i should shut down this blog, since there's almost no point in maintaining it

i wish i could say que sera sera now,
but i can't

shall sleep soon
target for tmr, finish the list.

good night