went for sis's sch opening ceremony
it was fun. sort of

im tired
but i havent done anything productive today so...

maybe its all my fault, i shouldnt have asked you to leave

jiayou

to that girl who totally made my day with one sentence to my sister
thank you

and life goes on

thank you for making me feel better, but dont you realise all along that the reason i was upset in the first place was cos of u?
and now when u ask, how am i supposed to say that
all i can say is haha, its hard to say

argh friday means another week less to As

im tired
tired of this

40 days

tonight, i MUST do sth productive

stop making me feel confused! argh

idk anymore

it was so awkward today
twice

41 days
and no, im not sure

and i think i should just let go
some things were never meant to be

i guess somehow i just expected more

imagine a friendship like that falling apart in a mere 2 weeks

i HAVE to stop emo-ing and focus!
like, now

okay shall finish atomic structure and bonding mcq by tonight
at least

no one realises that i'm not really as happy as they think i am
is it cos they dont care, or that i act well?

maybe solidarity is better
considering that it's hard both ways
at least they cant hurt you as badly

im tired

managed to do dynamics, forces and circular motion mcq today
must work harder!

must do econs before i sleep

uhh i dont think im doing well enough
not if i really want to choose any course i want

after this week
i wont take the initiative to ask abt night study
i hope

phy B
chem D
math not counted, but if it was, B
gp B
econs S
all borderline

stomach pain again
argh

tmr's target, finish 4 chapters chem mcq
or sth else that can replace it

shall go do econs now

i cant believe i was so siao ytd
actually cried during the show haha
maybe it was just a form of release

so i managed to do chem mcqs ytd and stuff

i need to finish ALL mcqs in the cs toh books by this week.
MUST

anw retail therapy! haha
went to buy clothes today

of course it wastes time, but i guess its a form of relaxing

43 days, its like 6 weeks only
one week for mcq, two for topics, and the last three for papers i think

so yea then i'll move on to normal qns and papers

prob getting back gp and maths tmr
ohno

for tonight, finish gp ac prelim paper, and kinematics mcqs
check, and highlight problems

jiayou!

please stop doing this
or nothing, for that matter

was it something i did? was it something you said?
don't leave me hanging in a city so dead
held up so high, on such a breakable thread

so physics and chem
both thanks to my mcqs haha
and paper 3
paper 2 was ...

argh im still waiting for gp and math p2
failed econs again, our class highest was an E

i really wish i could talk to you now
you make me feel so much better about all this
but then again, there are some things i can't tell you directly

again, dont get distracted! so close to As now

are you even sure you can be prepared in time?

okay 46 days
so not the time to be thinking about other stuff

shall attempt to finish a few more qns for equilibria
then pack and sleep

so tired
i guess, mentally more than physically

please tell me what i can do

don't give up because your friends will never give you up
easily said, but did you realise it also depends on what friends you have

is it mutual?

i've tried hard but i guess its not all up to me

jiayou

thanks for the complete lack of self discipline

so im left to wonder, me or not me
is there such a thing as too many coincidences?

and phy i decided to do p3 instead

i was so close, so close to saying goodbye
but i realised i cant just dont care

maybe its really time to let go

shall do the schedule planning
then phy 09 p1
and look through my mistakes for phy prelim p2 before consultation tmr

if everyone else thinks you're okay, maybe the problem is just with me
but no matter what, i guess everyone needs some support and time to cool off every now and then

i cant concentrate for some reason
my minds just keeps wandering somewhere while im studying

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUe3sbtqI2Q&feature=player_embedded

i give up
i've tried almost everything possible

maybe it wasnt worth it

can you please stop messing with my head
just tell me straight

night study wasnt as productive as i wished
was quite distracted
ended up only doing mcqs

tmr, start with phy 09 paper

do chem tys
go, go, study hard
dont let yourself down

most importantly, dont get distracted over what is probably not worth it

何故，明是痛苦， 伤心
还含着笑装开心

i think i give up on this
idk alr theres so many things on my mind right now

i realise you're not in the best of moods, but do you need to take it out on others?

maybe i was wrong all along, maybe i was
maybe it was all just a lie

im sorry but if you were referring to me there, i would think no

chem p1 wasnt that bad, but p3 was
one mark to a D
math supposedly tmr
since i didnt take prelim paper 1 with the others

quite anxious
paper 1 was very hard
and not done well at all
even if i manage to do okay, ppl will just say its cos i didnt do it on the actual day
ohwells its not counted anw

shall pack and sleep
night study marathon!
49 days

50 days

MUST FINISH 09 MATH P1 BY TONIGHT
else i dont sleep

i dont feel prepared to go back to sch

okay so yea
shall start mugging tmr

i just hope distractions dont take over my life again

you seem so far away.

I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

have to do math and phy 09 paper by mon
which, i may add, our reps didnt get for us

managed to get math from my friend
but phy seems like impossible

so yea another paper gone as practice
since we wont have time to really attempt it properly even if we get it on mon

and its been 3 days since i started an sms conversation
is it really the right thing to do?

jiayou, must try to finish math by mon
phy, i dont think we can even get it

focus!
only 50+ days left
shall start again tmr

chem p1 was okay, so was phy
till i realised i made so many careless mistakes):

i dont have the 09 papers, how to do by mon

theres this burning feeling inside

just stop overthinking for 3 months
plus, no one is indispensable in this world
no matter how much you wished you mean to them
the disappointment just comes along with it

please please work harder
at least it works as a distraction
partly

last 2 papers for prelims tmr
go for it!

and shall try to finish one more paper, managed to do 2 today

i know, its slow

somehow i cant seem to focus completely

idk what to think
happy that what i say is actually going in (at least, some of it)
or sad that people actually forgot i said it

for the next few days i think i'll just mug hard
and try not to think too much

plus, chem still needs salvaging
and phy needs pulling up not dragging down

please focus!
and try to at least finish 3 paper 1s tmr

and its hard to not let your mind wander while studying

i feel so tired
mentally at least

maybe its time to give up on some things to focus on others
you have no idea how hard it is

so math paper 2 was okay
except the stupid vectors qn
damn hard
dont even understand the notation

as long as the stars shine down from the heavens, as long as the river runs to the sea
i'll never get over you getting over me

yup study for chem and phy paper 1! friday

okay i need to get off this rollercoaster
like, asap

phy paper 3 was okay, but im not sure whether im going to do well
cos i screwed up paper 2

math paper 2 tmr
and i'll try my best, really

i cant believe myself

okay so i didnt do well for paper 2 also
chem hasnt really been smooth for me this year

hmm where did that status update go?
im pretty sure it was in response to my status, but its gone

maybe, just maybe if u'd asked today, i'd have said yes
to going home earlier

and im trying to not be reliant now
please let me have some way to stop my dependence

and stop the way im feeling over simple stuff that arent supp to matter

i need a break, not from studying, but from thinking about stuff that dont allow me to focus on studies
just as i wasnt able to study for phy paper just now

argh

tmr's chem paper 3 ohno
havent even started studying for the spa planning which is supp to be a qn we can score in
havent remembered anything about inorganic chem
and i still cant do nitrogen, electrochemistry, reaction kinetics, ionic equilibria, energetics
argh

finish rj paper?
must memorise stuff
now

okay
dont be so pessimistic, tmr will be better, today was just coincidentally not your day

if i could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. -unknown

hmm

when someone starts the convo
then ends up ignoring
what would YOU think?

anw, i guess its no longer existent
maybe it used to, but not now
thats why im not that pissed or upset

target: finish one paper 1 and one paper 2 for chem by tmr
and study the spa planning
jiayou

still sick though
stupid flu

58 days
ARE YOU READYYY

sometimes impossible may be just a reason not to try, but maybe theres a reason for not wanting to

okay so i didnt really study today
haha
went to the popular fair at expo
lol

i think i caught a cold
so maybe its fate that i have to be sick through my prelims
argh
hope not

shall try to finish at least the rest of this paper
tonight
yup

sometimes you just have to wonder whether its worth it

so, idk

haha there seems to be a pattern in my posts

okay, i will try harder
a lot harder

can u please, please stop making me feel like that
i feel like theres no need to talk to me, except when theres some official business or sth
and this sense of helplessness, not being able to do anything to help

shall do more tmr

consultation helped, the first one i booked
haha

idk

was it really me being too petty about this?
i mean, maybe that wasnt ps-ing, and you were really sick

and its confusing who all those messages were directed at...

consultation tmr
or if she has meeting, mugging session

whichever, i need to go school again
do you?
haha i feel so tired
maybe its chem

i know, i get it now

ps-ing is fine if its done with lies
but not in honesty (?)

and haha i know i shouldnt believe in horoscopes and all that
but it was so accurate, that part

sometimes i wonder what u're thinking...

haha go and sleep! why am i still awake but tired and doing nth in particular?

math paper was very, very hard
and im discouraged now

sorry i keep having mood swings
the description was right
emotion rollercoaster

at least one consolation is i finally understood the chem qn

okay im glad you're okay

so yup i managed to finish reading stats
but theres alot more to do
going to sch tmr to do paper 1 for prelims
then maybe studying chem
idk
haha

jiayou

2 months

or maybe not, just as much of stats as possible, haha

do u know when u become dejected
you, who have been the optimist all this while
it brings other people down too?
what happens when the person who has been giving you hope is lacking in it now?
you have to, NEED TO, carry on
i don't mean act strong and look like everything's fine
i mean, pick yourself up, maybe confide in someone, and try to treat it as another experience in your life
please don't scare other people like this

maybe its just me, but argh
i really cant help with this

shall try to finish studying stats today
or at least, reading
haha

good luck

my head hurts
alot

and it started only this afternoon

are u okay?
its not that no one is helping, its just you need to let other ppl help
jiayou, no matter what, u'll be able to get past it!

i shall sleep soon
the medicine not only makes me act weird, it makes me sleepy too
yup blame it on falling sick just when prelims start

a friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself
-unknown
and this, is life

great, sick for a few days which wasted so much of my time
and now, 67
here comes the last 2 months

shall try to finish market failure and international trade by tonight
macro can wait till tmr

not really my fault i couldnt study during the most free times these few days
was, and still am, feeling sick

at least the fever is gone
and i dont have urges to puke every 2 seconds anymore
but have to watch my diet again

well, i guess, anything for feeling better?
today chem didnt study at all
and it was paper 3
and was shaking during the paper
argh

im feeling alot better now
was still suffering till evening when i went to see the other doctor
she gave me medicine on the spot and it works better
haha

jiayou for lit and chem tmr!
though i haven't studied hmm
i guess its a trade off