the more i think, the more i realise i shouldn't think
cos i really think i screwed up

this is going to be another tough week.
confirm.

at times like these, i wish i could talk to you.
but i can't. so what now?
try to get over relying on someone to help each time...

i wish i could say "i still believe"
but not anymore.

i could go back to every laugh,
but i don't want to go there anymore..

my head hurts, so i shall sleep soon

basically, went to work today
then to buy craft stuff

this time, i didn't even tell them
didn't want them to worry

but getting too stressed

how can so many problems arise in a week?

it's hard not to be affected when everyone is in a bad mood
meeting targets, chasing debts, handling difficult people
sometimes, i do wonder why i'm taking all of this so seriously
then i remember, it's to learn, to be prepared.
and in a way, to do something more meaningful than wasting all my time and money away...

one last week to results.
gear up to accept whatever that comes?
not like i can change it anyway.
and i really really just want to do okay, not expecting much anymore.
please, please don't break down.

shall sleep by 11.30
at least i can get more rest to handle whatever happens tomorrow

usually at this time i'd be leaving
but today, extension
 
call those peeps
damn hard...
 
why are so many people in a bad mood recently? is it the weather?

i screwed up, big time
what if they don't get paid?

even retail therapy didn't really work

on a slightly brighter note, finally managed to change the studs
but i realised i'm extremely sensitive to pain, cos pain makes me nauseous and whatnot
so next time, i try to do it less painfully

meanwhile i shall sleep soon so that i can have enough energy for tomorrow

night

sometimes i still wonder what could have happened, but it's all too late to change now...
what is meant to come, comes

under fire. but idk if i'm lucky this time?

today was quiet
awkward
even though everyone was there

and i thought again when i heard that song
i know now, i know
you've never liked me
why did i even think that for a second it could be different?

undeserving, no?

at least, it's how i think now

one more week to results
and i still dont feel ready for all this

maybe i'll try changing my studs again tmr or thurs
hope this time goes more smoothly than the last

DAMN

another 10 people or so to call
chase timesheets
upload contracts
 
why so quiet...

scary...

i miss how we could have been best friends,
and how we used to have so much fun, yet be able to talk about the silliest things,
how i felt everytime they said that

und du fehlst mir sehr

my colleagues are quite funny though
they keep telling us about cdds with good qualifications lol

u really get to see all sorts of situations in a job like mine
people who think they win because they talk loudly
people who look down on others
u see people with many personalities under different conditions
learn to handle talking on the phone with different people
and everytime i put it down, i think, well that could have gone better

deshalb habe ich wieder gedacht

time to make another handphone string for my phone
cny is overrr

work hard, i know you can do it for sure!

shall sleep by 11.30 tonight
work tmr again

anyway, its nice to reconnect with people u havent talked to in a while

fb, twitter, msn, blogger all today

night world.

haha infj is complete opposite with istp.
says a lot, if what the website said was true

anyway still damn tired
stayed outside talking to josh they all basically yesterday
and they asked the same question, why did i do such a stupid thing?
but i know now, timing and fate is very important in our lives, it determines many things

went to work early in the morn
shared a instant noodle with ca
then home

didn't manage to get enough sleep
but shall sleep after my hair dries
or maybe before...

good night
in some situations, sleep is better when dreamless, but in others, i wish i'd get nice dreams too

went for dinner with josh they all(:
didnt really manage to get many photos though

thanks for the ice cream and the ride! haha still not very used to friends driving

tomorrow, i clear my filing

the netbook screen is so small
but i guess i have to take what i can get, right?

work still getting busier
hmm

finally couldnt stand it and stopped using that slow comp which keeps dying on me
using parents' netbook

half a year to new lappie(:

shall sleep soon, damn tired
so busy again today

there's a price for everything
you want to be forget, you get so busy that you neglect other stuff.
you want to be pretty, you need to endure pain and exorbitant prices.
you want to do well, you give up time and possibilities of doing other stuff
you want to continue something unreciprocated, you learn to smile no matter how much it hurts.

everything has a trade off

blogging using email makes it too accessible, such that i can do this anytime
 
its odd how much junk i get in a few days lol
 
epic fail, i made another mistake
this time, the client pointed it out
 

okay, al poked them back, left after cheating me, and right from the back
pain, and scared

so now, i decide whether to change, or just put the right one from the front
either way, i need to remove and put back at least one, and put stoppers.

but for now, i'm tired, shall just change the right side back first
the rest can wait

took it out, finally
but waiting for the moment when i finally get enough guts to plug another in
partly cos it bled when it came out

shall sleep soon too, headache

haha anw the radio this morning was like wth?

this makes 3. just today. what the heck?!?

great. one song after another. don't need! argh

stupid radio, of all the songs to play early in the morning...

i dreamt of you
twice
with the same recurring idea, two different stories
yet, i can't believe, even in my dreams, i don't have the courage to tell you what i wanted to
both left me with the same regret, but in real life, i still can't bring myself to say it
it's time to let go, really

haha actually, if you read this blog, i wouldn't even dare to post all this stuff
no wonder things ended up this way

i wonder if anyone even reads all this sometimes
except maybe that one loyal reader these past 6 years lol (do you?)

didn't sleep well, obviously, woke up again and again

what's worse? heard that song while shopping with my mum
reminded me again of my dreams

it was so real

so anyway, woke early this morning (duh)
went breakfast with my family, then sis had grading
but no space to park at csc so we went to city square to shop instead
then back to csc to fetch them afterward

had lunch, which was quite nice, but ex
then went down to ikea for lightbulbs
and since it was nearby, also to giant

then dinner at hougang was pepper lunch
shhh, but my throat wasn't actually well enough to eat spicy food yet hahaha

back home, wrapped vday presents
and mum helped me make ribbons

haha shall sleep by 12 tonight

part of me hopes to dream of it again, and at least get it right there, even if it's not possible to set things right in real life
but another part tells me no, i need to work, i can't get affected, not when we need 2 more people, in order to cover the workload

wish that the right people come along soon enough

shall waste abit more time then sleep. yup.

is it the lack of sleep or sleeping with wet hair?
headache

2 days already

and so busy at work that i can't rest
plus, my pillow was switched to a higher one, so i couldn't sleep as well

but had steamboat with my colleagues last night at c's house
she had a really cool area above where they play mahjong or do other stuff
and looking across, i saw gardens, sheltered rest areas, and they even said jacuzzis

went shopping at bugis with hw
her mum came halfway too haha
then buffet dinner nearby with my family

sleep. now. head pain

just a very quick post using email
so many things to do
 
damn, epic failure la keep doing wrong stuff
lousy memory

I AM SO TIRED

was busy for the whole day
stepped in and started sorting timesheets, updating my list
then went to key people into system
oh man still got like around 2 stacks to key, and 100 to upload
by tmr
spent the entire day rushing
why? cos while i was busy keying, had to also do contracts, service agreements, terms and conditions
had to print stuff
had to open letterbox to sort timesheets again
deal with payments/ cheques
and call people to confirm details
which most couldn't

really exhausted

but being busy has one advantage, i didn't have the time to slack there
and so couldn't waste the time

after tomorrow's dinner, i am going on a slack (but stricter) diet
target: lose those 1.5 extra inches by the time uni starts

exhausted.
shall sleep in 5 min

did manage to key till l, but not scan

guides hoodie is warm and nice(: one more source of comfort

i am so tired
spent the entire day either sorting timesheets, or handling those 115 people

keyed in up till b, will target to finish l tmr.

today, i heard those two songs again
even if the radio only played one
my colleague played the other for no rhyme or reason

sometimes there's this instant feeling of affinity when we meet someone
like, that we'd be good friends right from the very start
and it can be pretty accurate, when we can be friends for years
and it can be all an illusion, when it doesn't last
i guess we should just enjoy the moments which do, so that there'll be less regrets

i saw 09:09 twice today
lol

less than one month to results, and part of me wishes it'll not come
the other part wants to get it over and done with

shall sleep
so that i'll be less sick tmr

how am i supposed to go on making phone calls tomorrow?

i am utterly speechless about how some people can ask for your help
then end up betraying you

tomorrow, i WILL finish sorting all the promoters info
and start keying in

i miss those crazy days when we'd meet early in the morning at the specs stand to talk about all those lame stuff
when i get randomly hugged because i'm unhappy, because i'm TOO happy, or for no particular reason, when i just walk past you guys
when we'd talk while we were pulling guylines so hard that there would be rope burns
the evenings when we buy iced milo packet after packet after the whole day of hard work
the days we walked such long distances, despite having transport
i miss those times when everything would be alright in the end
talks that went on through most of the night
leaving notes on the board anonymously

but i guess i can't go back to all that anyway
when we met a month ago, you told me i had changed
more serious, more quiet
i know the wild part is still somewhere inside, i just need to get it back out again

which reminds me, shall attempt to do more crafts before i start thinking about stuff again

i'm losing my voice
as in, seriously, it's not that it hurts to talk
i just can't make myself heard over the phone
 
and i made over 10 phone calls
with more to go
 
the last one, she told me her side was too noisy
but i know she can't hear
because even i, myself, can't hear what i'm saying
 
how?

went to cut hair again

managed to pack my table today
or at least, start
it doesn't look that much neater, but at least i got rid of one bag of stuff i didn't want anymore

i have a feeling my nails wont last this time though, lol
quite badly done

ok so this week's target
start on the cross stitch
finish at least one more stamp

work: handle all timesheets before i go home
and finish calling all the people who are lacking details

can feel the stress already

shall sleep before 12 to ensure i have enough rest before i start this long week

if i want my fingernails to grow, i need to stop attacking them
but i still lack this motivation

and when you take, you take the very best of me

i guess i wasn't in my right mind when i blogged yesterday
i fell sick on tues, not thurs, then saw the doctor on cny eve, not fri.
maybe it was the medicine

you know that necklace i saw?
i went back last sun, but it wasn't there anymore
shows that once we miss the chance, we may lose it forever.
also tried the bishan branch almost everyday after work.
but today i saw the same necklace at thomson plaza.
no matter how much i wanted to buy it, i guess this time i was convinced that it was just not meant to be.
they say, if you love something, let it be free.
someone will treasure it more than i did, anyway.
or am i just lying to myself to try to let go?
felt slightly better today, running nose stopped
went out to bai nian after we went thomson plaza for lunch
our last time neighbour
but i was coughing, and it hurt to talk, so i ended up not really talking

went nex again
this time, for dinner, to use up the vouchers we won at the lucky draw on cny eve

had this sudden feeling i wanted to go visit the blog i had long neglected, but ended up being reminded of so many things
the happy times, everything

oh, and finally managed to loosen the stud, it was clipping way too tightly
feels better now

shall sleep by 11.30 tonight
it was my last dose of medicine, i hope i finally get energy to pack tomorrow

so this is me swallowing my pride,
standing in front of you, saying i'm sorry for that night
and i go back to december all the time...

-edited-

hello blog, i haven't been here in days

fell sick AGAIN on thur tue
which went on till mum had to make me go see doctor halfway through work on fri wed
so i took 2 hours leave and went off
just flu, but the doctor gave antibiotics and whatever
and the medicine caused me to just end up sleeping the rest of the day away
and half of yesterday

reunion dinner was rushed, cos they had 3 timings
and just before we started we witnessed an ugly quarrel
it sort of got me thinking, why are people so selfish and unreasonable?

anw, they played with fireworks on fri after the dinner
was just too tired to even get up
so slept
tried to keep awake for long enough to get past 12
then complete knockout

yesterday went out for dinner from occ
had swensons with them, and halfway saw ram
but only after i woke up
was so drowsy i had to sleep after taking a few bites of the food

also watched movie ytd with my family
a little lame, but okay la at least it kept me awake for the whole period while i was under the effect of the medication
mr and mrs incredible

so went bowling yesterday and today
surprisingly, i did better yesterday
even though i was half asleep
but today was coughing more

anyway, if anything is wrong, just tell me okay
don't keep it all in
we'll be meeting soon, i guess, lunch?

i need to sleep soon, really
even if the medicine is finished tomorrow, i don't feel that much better
maybe i really can't adapt to that weather.

i'd catch a grenade for ya

sleeping soon

spent today just sorting timesheets
imagine, scanning 40 people's timesheets, renaming
and some have more than one timesheet, leave forms, claim forms, mcs

one more day to finish checking the timesheets, bank the cheques, and send back remaining invoices

shall work harder

have been so busy that i haven't really sat down and blogged at home
 
it's odd how cold i can feel even though i'm wearing turtlenecks lol
 
so anyway went to a contract signing session yesterday! 
damn cool, reminded me of a lecture, then something like a reporters conference
everyone was just rushing, stuffing us with contracts and their details
and i was so very tired after the first session, barely ended when we launched into the second
 
but i guess we learnt from that, and the second was better
 
didn't stay for dinner, instead went for hotpot with classmates
was FREEZING, especially whenever i walked away from the pot
 
still freezing today
im like almost wearing winter clothes alr
with a scarf
 
is it that i'm too unhealthy?
 
anyway, shall eat lunch now