yea its all my fault again can
are u happy now
im the disturber and u're the one with an impt tingxie and i have a totally unimpt physics test tmr

okay ive cooled off
off to finish phy before i slp again
hope i wont fall asleep in class
just feel so tired

felt really hot this morn
then mum took temp and told me not to go sch

so i spent most of the day sleeping and lying on the sofa cos was feeling woozy
and there was this part of me that kept telling me to sleep though i knew i wouldnt be able to sleep tonight if i had taken a nap

missed chem spa i wonder what i should do now

head pains
still go math
go sleep soon i guess

am not very free
math and geog
then lit and phy
and try to go down tmr

i dont think i shld even be here why am i here go study geog

busy now
doing cme and stuff

went out to toa payoh
got some neccessities
then went to hougang pt for stuff like groceries

need to go do hw
things tt are more urgent:
lit msnd
chem spa prac
chem structured
phy ws 22

geog test
emath
amath
chem study spa
germ hw

i miss ixora
keep having to miss meetings too

hw:
chi ws
chi copy thing
situational prep
lit msnd compilation
and get this- SEVEN lit essays by next next week
lit test next tue
emath on tue
amath on wed
chem spa skill 3
chem structured qns
chem spa skill 3 prac
phy ws 22
geog test
germ aufsatz and prep for next week

am seriously worn out liao
cant help counting stop it la doctor says dont do it anymore
says that its bad for health
and prob part of the cause for the gastric pains
though its still the acid story

haha i need sleeeeeep

okay so my list of hw?
chi
lit
chem
ss
hmm how to sort how to sort

phy due next week
and 6 tests
WHEE???

if my stomach doesnt act up tmr i'd be doing what i did last week

88 days
less than 10 days for each subject left
and im still not coping well

i really want to be there

eng compre
chem structured
geog mindmap
germ compo

just had a really bad stomachache just now
think i ate too much/ ate sth wrong

how can i relax when some ppl are already at full speed and sprinting towards their goal while im still panting and barely jogging?

im sry if i have been moody lately
i just keep getting upset over simplest things
like too emo i guess
pls tell me if im bothering u, i feel overloaded

thanks for being understanding

wth is wrong with me again
argh

5 lit qns and math test tmr

argh ss and math
tmr pat meeting may have to miss
wahhh

6th time
okay im tired need to study still

math phy and chi
due tmr
then lit on tue
argh

am bored
ok actually i have many things im supp to do but dont feel like it
bet that we'll burnout before Os actually arrive
haha
oral prelim on mon
dont want to study leh 92 days what happened to the psa supposedly being able to motivate us?

haha

work harder i cant slack now

k so had a super tiring day
then went to watch pt afterwards and saw tracy and rachael and shermaine and xinying
the rest were hidden by pillars or sth
so went up to cp's class for candles
then saw them falling in
took pictures until nienping saw us, whoops
which led to sth really malu haha
i cant believe i did that now
wells

so i shall write more in my diary cos i dno if i want everyone who comes here to see what i want to say aft this..

phy test tmr
jiayou me

its like we're slowly drifting apart and it almost never happened
i wont hope too much, it seems so familiar
i wont be emo abt this, at least i wish until after Os
my priority: Os
short term goal: do well in phy

its not that i never tried u know
maybe i should have quit in sec 2
its starting to take its toll on me

study study study

anw went home with her ytd and some really nice things happened
it was different, in a good way

but now, dont do other stuff. study phy

am busy now
but will say all the stuff later

thanks, for everything
that made me feel a lot better

am feeling down again
somehow the thought of leaving scares me
so many what ifs
so hard to decide

work hard and stop emoing 96 days left
and im still not awake

i promise me, i'll try my best to do what i can
even if im gg to slack im gg to slack wisely

still got the chengyu to recopy over and over again
the chi ws
situational writing
5 lit msnd qns
the fat black lady goes shopping ans
and germ hw
wells looks like there goes another night

tests
lit, amath, phy and geog
math and chem

work harder im not at that step yet

k so we went to the bottle tree park and fished
stayed there for the whole afternoon before eating dinner
but got a huge headache afterwards
then went and sat in swan boats
gtg feeling giddy

loads of hw
101 days
argh i am still not motivated

daffodils
summary
5 msnd essays
and tests

jiayou dont break down still got 100+ days to go

eng compre
lit daffodils
lit 5 essays
tests
revise! 102 days left

i feel pissed now
so me singing is irritating but her repeating 'is tom hungry? the food looks delicious' to her voice recorder is a hobby???

i need to study for chi and math
someone calm me down

i am soo smart
cant believe i cant find my geog tb
argh
tmrs the test
im so sorry if i cant be there for pat meeting tmr

wl wheres my geog tb i am quite sure i packed it
but where did i put it
weird
i wish it would pop up in my stack of books later when i try to find it again

meanwhile, shall study for ss and math first
and maybe chi chengyu test if i have time
i mean, 126-250?? so many

yepp im still not awake
someone shake me harder

got a new phone today
though its not very nice and it was super hard to get all the smses into it
its more reactive and easier to type
and wells, its a change i need to adapt to

so anw i stopped emoing today
i hope its till aft 'o's

anyone has the song pass it on?

wl everytime sth else happens
i cant help but have more sleepless nights
ich weinte, und ich will mehr weinen
so anw had a whole day of stomach pains
but managed to study a bit of ss
haha

so i woke up and had pains at 8 am
then i cldnt sleep again cos it was so painful and i had a late night ytd
so had panda eyes
wait correct that
i still have them

i miss the weird jokes and games alr
when will it stop
its taking me way too long to stop emoing abt it

today, long day

ok so had morning jog and caused stomach pains the whole morn
then had lit and chi and math
lunch was short and tiring cos had to study for phy spa
was still having stomach pains
then phy spa
i know i did it wrongly what with no sandpaper and no distance its all gone
my marks are all gone
only 4 marks its gone
so then had chi
was quite slack but got scolded cos very noisy and stuff
then went down, a little too early for promotion
so sat at the quad
memories kept flooding back
hearing the whistle and seeing ppl running to fall in
tests
haha i promised myself i wld stop being emo aft farewell
so anw then went down to the specs stand
saw this funny part where the women were blocking the whole way
haha
sat there while watching the enrolment ceremony
and stood for the colours
somehow it felt like all too different
not being down there anymore
being part of it all
then they fell out
and moved up to the specs stand
sat there hoping, wishing that things will be alright
and suddenly was reminded of our first year, second, third
it felt all too familiar
i guess all that i want to say is that, at the end of it all, its not really the rank that matters, but what u did to contribute
'silently each guide should ask, have i done my daily task
have i kept my honour bright, shall i guiltless sleep tonight'
so cheered through the thing cos it was so anti climax
and then went to hug patrol ppl
haha and i mentioned i wouldnt be emo again
but i did
and aft tt i sudd rmbered everything that had happened so quickly
and i couldnt stop the tears from coming
but i could stop it aft it came
it was so hard
at the start of the 4 years
i rmb there was a shift in patrols
i didnt understand why the ppl were crying so sadly
or why they hugged and refused to leave
and now i know
its just too hard to let go suddenly
like yanni says
it'll fade with time
i hope so too
and i really hope i can snap out of it in time to study for 'o's and everything before i get into this mood again
it just seemed so easy over the years to take it all for granted
guides
its given me friends, hope and a chance
thanks guys
IXORA I LOVE U
kaifong, sonya, kelly, cheryl, yanni, jieying, charis, chinpei, me, felicia, qimin, rachael, huishan, justine, shakes, crystal, jinny, jaclyn, vanessa...
hope the new batch will keep the guiding light shining bright
but for now, i shall just sleep and try not to emo till end of 'o's
'hmm here comes september
hmm i will remember, the campfire nights and friendships true
hmm and as the years go by
hmm i think of you and sigh
its just goodnight and not goodbye'

phy spa tmr
i am not motivated
argh someone wake me up pls

i hate thursday
its alw the stuff all lumped tgt u know im not happy abt it

if im moody again tmr theres nth much that can help
shall hug my crocodile and sleep tonight

maybe im supp to be too old for that
but i dont have much of a choice

ytd u were happy werent u
i wasnt

i should stop being upset over small things and just study
so few days left
help