counselled two people today...
but i can't even solve my own problems.

so. i'm 20.
but this realisation that i've never been smiling for more than 24 hours at a shot, since even a day before i turned 20, sucks. 
really want to give up now.

to everyone here watching my every move, i may be happy, i may be high.
but the feelings i've bottled up so far, are threatening to just spill out and overwhelm me.

suddenly, i just want to be sitting at home, talking to my sister, playing games.

i feel really grateful for my family. thankful that they did not just leave me to my devices as i'm attempting to lock myself in hall and mug.
appreciate all my friends who have been trying to make me feel better.
but no, i can only solve these problems myself.
don't make it even harder for me, please. 

no. i can't tell you i'm completely fine. i'm not.

but i'll get over it. and i promise myself. i will step up and let you know you cannot just trample on us like that.

for now, i shall study.
let's go. 

Sitting in my hall room, looking out to see the birds flying back, flying home.
And suddenly, i miss home...

Weeks of lack of sleep, of chionging everything.
I'm officially exhausted. Nearing burn out soon. 
Wish I was home, yet knowing full well being at home but being in this sort of mood would affect my family. Grateful for a place to be alone for awhile, to sort out my thoughts and gather my mood.

I. WILL. DO. PRODUCTIVE. STUDY. STUFF. TONIGHT.

Need to plan how to fully utilise my remaining 26 days. Not even a month. Damn.

Push on!